In a world where vaccines have effectively eradicated preventable, deadly diseases — some anti-vaccine dipsticks voluntarily refuse them. Maybe it’s because they don’t love their kids enough to protect them from preventable death by way of infectious disease. Or perhaps it’s because they’re especially stupid. Maybe a combination of both. Either way, there’s a handful of idiotic soundbites these jackholes love to regurgitate.
5. “If your child is vaccinated, why are you worried about mine?”
If you ever need proof of how spectacularly misinformed and stupid these anti-vaccine boneheads are… this is the statement. Saying this just proves they have absolutely no idea how vaccines or medical science in general works. Vaccines work by using what’s called herd immunity. In a nutshell, herd immunity happens when a large segment of a population is vaccinated and cannot be infected by a particular contagion. However, nothing is ever 100%. Some people cannot be vaccinated for various reasons like allergies or compromised immune systems. Others can take the vaccine, but it doesn’t work with their system because medicine is hard. However, when the majority of a population is immune, a contagion has almost nowhere to go, and over time dies out on its own. That is why it took a few generations to eradicate Polio or Small Pox. When dipsticks decide not to vaccinate their kids because they don’t love them, it gives these diseases more places to live and thrive. That puts all kids at risk because again… nothing is 100% effective. There’s always that slight risk and when you love your child, you prevent risk. Yet, these idiots send their kids into public schools possibly incubating infectious diseases… simply because they are too dumb to learn how vaccines work.
4. “They cause autism.”
If you honestly still believe vaccines cause autism, you need to go bang your head against a wall until you knock the stupid out of it. The original “study” by Andrew Wakefield that vomited this crap into society was debunked so hard that Wakefield literally faced fraud charges because of it. Not a single scientist on the face of the Earth has ever been able to come close to recreating his results, which is a pretty crucial part of this thing we call “science.” The Lancet, who published the study, publically retracted it right before Wakefield had his medical license revoked. Not only did Wakefield play with his results and taint his sample pool, but it turns out he was on the payroll of the company making the competing vaccine that he conveniently suggested. In reality, scientists have absolutely no damned clue what causes autism. But anti-vaccine crusaders don’t want to hear that because former Playboy model and MTV game show host Jenny McCarthy told them differently. Let that sink in. They trust a girl who made a living picking her nose on basic cable, more than they trust an army of actual medical doctors with actual training and actual degrees.
3. “It’s too much medicine at once! Spread them out!”
Here’s a fun game. Send one of these oatmeal brains into a combat zone with a bulletproof vest. But then tell them that the bulletproof vest is heavy, so we’ve gone ahead and cut some holes in it with a mason jar lid so it’s easier to carry. That is a great way to get killed to death faster than you can say “vaccines don’t cause autism.” That bulletproof vest was designed to be worn in combat and is designed in such a way that you can walk around in it while performing duties. Vaccines are just like this. They defend us from bullets of infection and are made in such a way that they move through the child’s system with relative ease. But anti-vaccine idiots don’t get that. Despite the fact that they’re designed to work all at once, are introduced in the correct dosage, and defend vulnerable infants and young children from stuff that can literally kill them in a matter of days… these “parents” elect to put their kids into battle unprotected. Because they trust something they saw on Reddit more than they trust trained professionals. That is why we say anti-vaccine idiots don’t love their kids. They want to leave them unprotected, against medical advice, just to be punk rock.
2. “It’s a conspiracy from Big Pharma!”
Look, if we’re talking about the opioid epidemic… you absolutely have a point. Those pushers are ruthless when it comes to that stuff. Yes, pharmaceutical companies are forcing painkillers and other drugs on us for their own profit, and this is well-documented. However, it would be completely absurd to assert they do this with vaccines. Why? Because pharmaceutical companies practically give the damn things away. A study by the American Journal of Managed Care showed that manufacturers of vaccines retained 2% or less of the value of the vaccines in their gross profit. This doesn’t even account for the cost of making and shipping them out. When it all comes out in the wash, “Big Pharma” barely breaks even on the deal, if not loses money. There’s absolutely no point in orchestrating an elaborate conspiracy to make money off of a single-dose product. This same reasoning in reverse is why they push Oxycontin and Fentanyl on patients… because it’s addictive and they get return customers. Drug companies are pretty greedy, but it’s this exact greed that proves why vaccines are a public health measure and not a “money-making conspiracy.” It’s simply not worth their trouble and with vaccines, they focus on what drug companies should focus on… keeping the public healthy.
1. “Thimerasol! Mercury!”
Hands down, no question, this is the most idiotic thing anti-vaccine dingbats say. They love to yell and scream about how Thimerosal contains mercury and it’s poison and why are you putting poison into your kids and derp. There’s a lot going on with this statement and it’s a pretty easy bubble to pop, despite appearances. It is true that Thimerosal is a preservative that contains trace elements of mercury. Mercury is poisonous, and doctors strongly advise against drinking or consuming mercury in any way. Thimerosal’s role in vaccines is as a preservative, inhibiting the growth of harmful microbes. While the dose of mercury in Thimerosal is well below what the Food and Drug Administration refers to as “acceptable levels,” it’s still there. So this is bad, right? We shouldn’t be injecting our babies with mercury, right? That is kind of correct. The overall dose of mercury from all childhood vaccines combined amounts to less than what you’d find in a spoonful of honey. It’s a negligible amount but mercury is mercury. Which is why since 1999, Thimerosal has been completely removed from vaccines! The FDA voluntarily switched to single-dose vials and removed Thimerosal from all vaccines except for the DTaP booster (Concerned parents can request a Thimerosal-free DTaP, which doctors are required to offer, and do so happily.) This is how stupid these people are… they expose their kids to deadly infectious diseases to protect them from something that’s not even there. Nitwits.